19 Feb When Anger Speaks: 10 Ways to Listen, Honour, and Respond
Anger can be seen as an ancient force, a fire that rises within us demanding to be heard. It is often feared, suppressed, or unleashed recklessly. Yet, as James Hillman and Frances Weller remind us, anger is not simply a problem to be fixed—it can be a threshold, a call to deeper understanding.
Rather than treating anger as an enemy, we can learn to work with it, honouring it as a guide that leads us to what needs tending in our lives.
Below, you’ll find both philosophical insights and practical ways to engage with anger—so it moves through you rather than controlling you. You might like to choose one or two reflections and actions that resonate with where you are now.
1. Anger as a Messenger: Listen, Don’t React
Anger is rarely random. It emerges when something essential—our boundaries, our dignity, our values—has been crossed. Often, we rush to dismiss it or express it impulsively. Instead, we might pause and listen.
Reflect:
- What is this anger trying to tell me?
- Is it about something happening now, or is it an old wound resurfacing?
Try:
- Write a Rage Letter: Pour out your anger uncensored. Say everything you need to say. Then burn, tear up, or delete it—a symbolic act of release.
- Dialogue with Your Anger: Imagine anger as a visitor. What does it look like? What does it want? Speak to it as though it were a wise teacher.
2. Honour Anger as Sacred Fire
Frances Weller speaks of anger as a force that must be respected and contained. Suppressed anger turns toxic, yet uncontrolled rage burns everything in its path. The key is to honour it, not be ruled by it.
Reflect:
- What does this anger want for me?
- What part of my life needs burning away or renewing?
Try:
- Ritual Release: Write your anger on paper and burn it safely, watching the flames transform it into something new.
- Engage in Controlled Destruction: Smash ice cubes in a sink, rip up old newspapers, or knead dough forcefully—allowing the energy to be externalised.
3. Move It Through the Body
Anger is not just a thought; it’s an experience that lives in the body. If it isn’t moved, it can turn into tension, illness, or exhaustion.
Reflect:
- Where do I feel anger in my body?
- How can I allow it to move through me?
Try:
- Shake It Out: Put on music with a strong beat and shake your whole body for 5 minutes—this helps release pent-up energy.
- Breath Work: Try Lion’s Breath—inhale deeply, then exhale forcefully with a loud “HA!” to clear stagnant energy.
4. Express Anger in Image and Story
Many cultures have used art, mythology, and storytelling to contain and transform difficult emotions. Anger can be shaped into something beautiful, something powerful.
Reflect:
- How can I express my anger creatively?
- If my anger were a character, what would its story be?
Try:
- Paint or Scribble: Use bold colours, untamed strokes, or chaotic patterns to mirror what you feel inside.
- Write a Story or Poem: Describe an angry character and let them express what you cannot—sometimes externalising it makes it easier to understand.
5. Look for the Grief Beneath the Rage
Frances Weller reminds us that anger often masks deeper grief. When we feel betrayed, abandoned, or unseen, anger is the shield we use to protect ourselves.
Reflect:
- What sadness or loss might be hidden beneath my anger?
- If I sat with my anger long enough, what deeper feeling would emerge?
Try:
- Journal About Loss: Write about the things you’ve lost or the wounds you still carry. Notice if anger softens when grief is acknowledged.
- Sit in Silence: Place your hand over your heart and simply breathe with your anger, allowing it to unfold in its own time.
6. Use the Breath to Soften and Witness
James Hillman suggested that psychological work is an alchemical process—it takes time, containment. One way we might transform the emotion of anger is through deep breathing.
Reflect:
- What happens when I slow down and simply witness my anger?
- Can I breathe with my anger instead of against it?
Try:
- 4-7-8 Breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8. This helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system, calming the body.
- Sound it Out: Allow yourself to make low, guttural sounds—humming or moaning can help move stuck emotions.
7. Channel Anger into Creation
If anger is thwarted passion, can it be redirected into something meaningful? Some of the greatest art, movements, and personal transformations began with frustration.
Reflect:
- What could this anger build?
- How can it fuel my creativity instead of my suffering?
Try:
- Make Something New: Write, paint, sculpt, or design with raw emotion as your guide.
- Turn Pain into Purpose: Start a project, course, or initiative based on what has angered you.
8. Allow Silence to Hold the Fire
Sometimes, the wisest thing to do with anger is to let it settle before making any decisions. Silence is not suppression—it’s a container.
Reflect:
- What if I gave this anger 24 hours before reacting?
- How does it feel to hold the fire without immediately using it?
Try:
- Create a Sacred Pause: Before responding in anger, take a deep breath and say, “I will return to this when I am ready.”
- Go Somewhere Quiet: Sit in a darkened room, a garden, or by the sea. Let nature absorb some of your intensity.
9. Offer Anger to the Larger World
Some anger is not personal—it belongs to the world we live in. Instead of letting it fester, can it be turned into something collective, something meaningful?
Reflect:
- Is this anger mine alone, or does it belong to a larger story?
- How can I offer it in service rather than destruction?
Try:
- Join a Movement: If your anger is about injustice, find a cause that channels it constructively.
- Speak Your Truth: Write, teach, or share your experiences so that others don’t feel alone.
10. Recognise Anger as a Threshold
Every surge of anger is an invitation to cross into a new way of being. It asks us to change, to grow, to let go of what no longer serves us.
Reflect:
- What is this anger trying to push me toward?
- What needs to end so that something new can begin?
Try:
- Mark the Threshold: Create a simple ritual—light a candle, take a symbolic walk, or leave something behind as a sign of stepping forward.
- Set a New Intention: Once the fire cools, ask yourself: What will I do differently next time?
Final Thought: Anger as an Ally
When we meet anger with curiosity instead of fear, it becomes an ally rather than an enemy. It sharpens our instincts, reveals our deepest truths, and guides us toward what truly matters.
Not all anger is destructive. Some of it is sacred fuel, waiting to be used wisely.
What will you do with yours?
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